(I Still Spend Plenty Of Time Going In Circles…)
Since starting this blog I’ve thought about a million things I could write about. I like to think. I like to write. I like to think about writing. I like to write about thinking.
The problem is that I’m one girl with one perspective. Sure, I have many interests, hobbies, and some would even say talents. Perhaps I can offer diversity in writing, but I can really only write from one perspective.
I’m a single Christian girl. Woman. Ew. “Woman” still feels weird to say, because in so many ways I still feel like a girl. I get stupid around cute guys, I feel jealous of beautiful girls, and at least once a month I eat an obscene amount of chocolate and justify it by blaming my hormones (which are totally to blame. Duh).
If you follow this blog, you may see a pattern over time. There are some things I will probably never write about; play dates, quantum physics, or anything that touches the realm of Science Fiction, for example. I don’t have an arsenal of DIY success stories and I think soccer is incredibly boring. I know almost nothing about NASCAR (being from North Carolina, I almost feel ashamed of this…*almost*). I’m not the most fashionable girl, I don’t follow sports, and I think engaging in online political “discussions” that are basically glorified pissing contests is an utter waste of time. I will probably never have a blog about taxidermy, fishing, or my shoe collection. I don’t have a shoe collection.
These things are fine for other people, and I wish the Fashionable Taxidermist with a hankering for NASCAR the very best of luck. Really. And I may stop by his/her blog, if for no other reason than sheer curiosity.
I can only write about what I love, what I’ve been through, and what I hope will help, encourage, and inspire others.
I write about life.
I recently wrote a post about Jar Jar. You may remember Jar Jar as Liked Me Enough To Tell Me He Liked Me But Not Enough To Do Anything About It guy or The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth Just Kidding guy.
It’s still pretty fresh. I literally wrote the post about 3 hours after I found out he was in a relationship; approximately 2 hours and 45 minutes after the Sweaty Palm Almost Vomiting reflex died down.
Writing is cathartic for me, so when I processed Jar Jar and his inability to just shoot straight with me, it helped me to realize I deserve more than what he was able to give me. It’s not that he’s not good enough for me (in terms of inherent value), but he just wasn’t able to give me what I needed. Would it be too harsh for me to say, “…the truth, for instance”? Too harsh? Yeah ok, you’re probably right. Honestly, there are probably many ways in which I wouldn’t have been the best for him.
So I’m not sad. I’m not upset. But I’m in the Singles Boat. It can feel lonely. I don’t have an automatic Plus One. I have conversations like this one (that actually happened):
Me – “I’m going to die alone in a trailer, surrounded by cats and skeins of yarn.”
Unnamed Friend Named Denae (allllllmost sympathetic-sounding) – “Noooooo. That’s not true! You won’t be in a trailer…”
Great. Awesome. Thanks.
If, at this point, you’re tempted to wave the banner of The Modern Woman and yell at me that I don’t need a man, let me just save you some time: I know I don’t need a man. I’m old enough that I’ve lived through a plethora of life experiences without one, proving that I don’t need one. So you can put the banner down. Maybe pack it away with the life-sized poster of N*SYNC I ganked from their concert in 1999. That’s right. I did it.
Sometimes, though, as someone who is completely unattached, it can feel like I’m just drifting in a Lonely Single Boat. Writing about Jar Jar was my way of figuratively throwing a rope to a few other Single Boats on Lonely Pond.
I’m just saying you aren’t alone. Being single doesn’t mean being alone.
Everything I write, for the time being, is through the lenses of a Single Girl Woman, but not everything will be about being single. I don’t write about being single. However, the situations I experience because I’m single are the means by which God refines me. And I’m embracing being refined by where I am in life – the good, the bad, the grown-up pain-in-the-butt stuff, and the days I want to be in my fat pants ALL. DAY. LONG. All of it. I’m embracing it all.
No matter the season in which we find ourselves, there is something to be learned. And there is value in the experience; even more so when it is shared. Is it pretentious to think that this (or any blog post I write) could somehow fall into the hands of someone who needs to hear exactly what I have to say? Perhaps. But my life is lived in vain if I don’t at least try to help.
I know there’s a remote chance my words can help someone.
And that is why I write.
PS – If Zachary Levi wants to read this and be totes inspired and start falling in love with me, I’d be ok with it. I promise to still hang out with Singles on Lonely Pond. You know. For moral support.